Suitcase conversations: Renegotiating artistry as a freelancer
I begin writing this post in the atmospheric gloom of a thunderstorm-induced power outage. Lightning tears at the sky, making the very foundations of the house tremble. The subsequent flashes remind me that more is to come: a metaphor for freelancing? Bursts of electrifying canvases, followed by periods of black, blank sky, the cycle concluding with the silent flickerings of ideas to come. And all the while, the rain weaves its way around and down the windows. So too does the course of life, never running in a straight line.
When I launched my brand, the topic of my first blog post concerned what it was like to negotiate being a student, while at the same time making my debut as a professional performer. The experience could best be described as one of inhabiting a liminal space. Now, almost a year since the birth of my brand, I find myself reflecting on what it means to be an artist, freshly out of a postgraduate degree at University; along with all the upheavals, changes, rebalancing and promise that this "space" affords.
There is too much to say in one post, so expect a second on this subject.
I’m currently subscribed to a podcast and book-selling platform called SoundsTrue.com. I happened upon a podcast in which Tami Simon speaks with Seth Godin, bestselling author and popular blogger on all things relating to mindful business strategy, entrepreneurship and freelancing. It resonated with me so much that I decided to lay out my musings in this blog post according to Seth's statements / ideas, which appear in bold. I hope that sharing these thoughts inspires those in a similar / "not-yet-there" position to keep going.
We invent what it means to not get an A
Two difficult aspects of freelancing, particularly if you have pretty much lived and worked within academic institutions for most of your young life, are firstly the loss of a fixed structure to your weekdays and secondly a shift away from a "points-based" award system. You had become accustomed to a set timetable of courses, either within walking distance, or a short drive away. Termly goals were centered around achieving and besting certain percentages. Whereas now, if you’re someone like me, you are finding it difficult not to measure your success and sense of peace by how busy you are and by the attainment of good grades and awards.
A "plus" of incentive-based education is that it tends to encourage a rigorous work-ethic; the result being higher percentages for tests, practicals and exams. The flipside, however, is that having worked within this framework for so long, we aren’t always sure how else to measure success, or to feel productive. Essentially, our brains have been wired to think in a certain way. The same can be said of ambition for ambition's sake, wealth for wealth’s sake … you get the picture. To rewire our brains, Godin suggests that we acknowledge that “being picked” is part of the Industrial system, and that the first step away from that system is to pick yourself and have an identity that is outside of what you do. Oscar Wilde comes to mind:
“We are not nouns, we are verbs. I am not a thing […] I am a person who does things”.
Viewing oneself as a “human being [rather than] a human doing” is best achieved by cultivating some distance between ourselves and our product / art. Distance is important, so that when someone says that they don’t like your product, you don’t translate that into them saying, I don’t like you. It goes without saying, then, that being a true artist means exposing your work to a wider and sometimes ruthless public. We do, however, have a choice to make about what kind of artist we are going to be.
As a musician I greatly admire once said to me:
“If we are interested in achieving wide acclaim, we must expect that we will constantly be required to prove ourselves to our peers, panels and critics. The hours dedicated to our craft will mean that a social & personal life will play second fiddle, and that maintaining the distance between oneself and one’s art will be that much more difficult”.
An alternative strategy is that before we decide what size following & career-reach we want to have, we choose to first be happy with ourselves. To do this, we should flip from thinking about pleasing “everyone” to the power that is pleasing “anyone”.
The choice is ours to make, and there isn’t a “right” answer – only the need to make that choice soon, before our careers “take off”, in whatever way we choose to define this. Being in a transitional period of life is in many ways a gift! We have the time to reflect and to make important decisions that will shape the direction in which our art may (or may not) take us. We can also use this period constructively, to fill any knowledge gaps that could equip and qualify us further as active industry artists. Some of my thoughts and experiences in this regard are encapsulated in the not-yet-published second installment of "suitcase conversations".
The story of Icarus
I thought I knew the whole story about The Fall of Icarus, and that the message of the tale was that we should listen to those older than us and not seek to become too ambitious. Hubris angers the gods.
How wrong I was!
Further reflection prompted the realization that I was so intent on thinking about Icarus’ role in the tale, that I gave scant attention to that of the father. Here was a man who gave his son wings – symbolic of freedom and of being equipped – who encouraged him to go out into the world; to marvel at it and to test the beautiful natural elements of sea & sky. His father let him go, which implies that he felt his son was ready to embark upon his personal voyage, hopefully bearing his advice in mind. Godin researched the myth further and happened upon another vital, often forgotten part of the tale. Apart from flying too high to the sun, which caused Icarus’ wings to melt, Icarus’ father also told him not to fly too low. What a game changer, am I right?
As people, but especially as newly graduated students, we often short-change ourselves, doubt our capabilities and talents and head off into the working sector quaking in our proverbial boots, because we think there is some “secret sauce” or code we have yet to figure out, which will make us feel worthy of serious consideration in the marketplace. We fear that appearing confident in our experience and training could manifest as arrogance to others.
Godin says that this is our Fight or Flight system kicking in, which served us well during evolution, but does not serve us in our lives and careers as artists. It causes us to confuse what feels dangerous with what is dangerous. And if we’re not careful, that can cause us to play small, stay comfortable, and become stagnant in our art-making. The solution?
Do as Yves Klein says in the photo above (which I have a postcard copy of), and "Leap into the void"! Be ambitious. Set up collaborative projects that keep you awake with anxiety, because by using fear as the clay from which you mould and create performances and art, you begin to conquer, or curb that fear of failure! You leave the mediocre behind in favour of art that really tests your mettle as a creative individual. In other words, you test yourself for yourself; prove yourself to yourself.
It’s quieting down now. The lightning that once roared outside my window is now only a muffled growl. There’s more flash than blank sky. The storm is passing over, to be replaced by the song of the crickets, frogs and thirst-quenched leaves. And over all things, the Lord of the Dance is poised, ready to dance me, and you, into the artists we are meant to be.
I hope that you enjoyed reading this post, and found that it gave you a sense of peace. If it did, please share it with your friends & networks. It would greatly help a fellow artist out.
Love and light
The Forest Weaver xx
