Miniseries Chapter 4: Striking the Balance - The blinking cursor / Navigating Plan B

I recently went home for the short 10 day vac. Although my parents had come down for Graduation, and to watch my NAF18 "A Feather on the Breath of God" Arena performance (link to full performance below) in June/July, I had not been home since Easter. My grandparents, who live near home, had also been unwell, so I was very eager to get away for a bit.

Before I could, however, I had to make one more flight to Cape Town, to write a TOEFL exam for Fulbright. It went well, as did the GRE and, that evening, I was flying above the stormy clouds of the Mother City, and heading to Durban airport:

As I usually do when traveling, I embarked upon some nostalgic reflection on what exciting opportunities Opera studies had afforded me / what opportunities it allowed me to make happen for myself. Two succesful NAF shows and subsequent tours of "Opera Found" to Port Alfred and KZN, countless Voice and Music Department performances, learning how to draft an artists contract and how much to charge for different types of performances, working with the phenomenal American cellist Caleb Vaughn-Jones, and having an excellent, and much-loved vocal coach, Miss Jo-Nette Le Kay. Because I had been thoroughly spoiled by my aunt, uncle, and cousin with post-exam cake, I needed to detox a bit - so I toasted my experiences, and the privilege of a University and practical training, with a hot cup of Rooibos tea.

I touched down, and bounded to the Carousel to grab my luggage and go. Trolley full-throttle, I power-walked through the terminal to Arrivals, and into the equally happy arms of my Dad. Home was an hour away, so we had plenty of time to talk and catch-up.

Home was Heavenly. I had special Mother-Daughter times, and visited my Grandparents, who were a 5-minute walk away from home. I petted our rambunctious Staffie, Benji, and was graced by the presence of both our cats, Tilly and Beebo, who did not leave my side. Cats are notoriously, adorably fickle, so this was not usual behavior for them!

Ping. Email Alert. It's from Fulbright ... My heart is pounding.

"Dear Emma

We would like to thank you for participating in our Fulbright Foreign Student Interviews 2019-2020. The applicant pool was extremely impressive this year which made our selectors’ task very difficult.

Regrettably, you will not be moving forward in the selection process.

Once again, thank you for your interest in the Fulbright Program. We wish you every success in your future academic endeavors.

Should you wish to continue with your applications to a U.S. university, we encourage you to contact Mrs. SO-and-So, who represents Y Education company, who you met earlier in the process. You may attend a free information session on Graduate Study in the United States.

Best wishes,

Z Public Affairs Specialist"

The best metaphor to use to describe what it felt like, receiving this news, is that of a blinking cursor. It's a stunned silence, followed by the frank, simple query "And? What now?". Then, there's a frantic scrambling of keyboard letters (gjhdhjdwehv), as you ask "What went wrong?" , "My GRE and TOEFL raw scores were so high! Why do percentiles carry more weight then our raw scores!?". But then I remind myself "Look how far you've come. You are a freaking Fulbright semi-Finalist for life. Thank the Universe, because what an honour that is".

I walk downstairs, grateful to have received the news at home, and to have my Mother's arms. I sniffle-giggle, making a joke that I had to study Maths Core for the GRE - a subject I replaced with Maths Lit in High School. I pat myself on the back that after over seven years, and with the patience of my BSc boyfriend, I got a raw score my Grade 9 Maths Core teacher would have been stunned silent by. Take that, icky maths!

When I was shortlisted, one of the ending questions I was asked by the excellent panel of judges was Do you have a Plan B if you do not land up being a Fulbright finalist? As you know, its a very competitive scholarship you're competing for. To which I responded Yes. I have had plenty of practice in applying for scholarships and bursaries, out of financial necessity. As you know, i've been granted them since second year. If Fulbright falls through, I will apply for an Oppenheimer, or another equally prestigious bursary. Alternatively, i'll contact the Institutions directly, as well as crowd-fund my way to the USA. But I really, really want a Fulbright, as it will enable me to be a practicing professional in the next 2 years, fill the experience and business gaps that need filling, and allow me to share my knowledge with my home country a lot sooner.

Thank goodness for the members of Byrdsongs Choir, who had asked me that same question the weekend before!

The first thing I did, following this news, was to send in an application to an independent funding organisation, the next day. After which I shed one more tear, which would be my last. I sent off a quick email to members of my team, letting them know the news.

Then it was back on a bus, to Rhodes University, Makanda.

A week in to term, I have a meeting with my mentor. We speak about Fulbright, and he reminds me of something he'd said a year ago. You are a performer. You have a very skilled and special product to share with the world. Make sure that you don't spend the entirety of your 20s, in which you should be aiming to perform 50 times a year, in an Academic Institution, where you usually perform around 10 times a year. Degrees and Education are important. But Practicing is equally, if not more, so! I want to see you performing next year, touring, collaborating ... Think about this. Take this perceived dip in the road as a chance to re-evaluate. You can do your Masters in a year or two. Think about it, okay?

And boy oh boy, have I! I'm a woman who has spent 16 years in school (pre-primary, junior, and high school), and four years in university. In all that time, report cards consistently noted that I was a major contributor to the artistic sphere of the school, as well as being academically strong, and engaged in leadership and community endeavours. The same can be said for my University career. I have conceptualized, staged and performed two successful NAF shows, and gone on tour. I've been juggling being a student and a professional performer for 3 if not 4 years. Perhaps it's time that I put the academic ball down, temporarily.

Don't get me wrong. I fully intend to get to the USA, and do a Masters in Vocal Performance / Artist Diploma, my paper being on the musical, empowering, and spiritual experience I had, and perhaps other practitioners have had, in performing the works of female WAM composers. Like I said in my blog post about debriefing, I know already that bringing recognition to WAM female composers, past and present, will be part of my life's work. But I've already started writing that paper, by reflecting upon it in my vocal notebook. And i'll continue, as I incorporate their work into my future concert programmes.

The purpose of this post is not to criticize academia. Academia is a place for lecturers, professors, and doctors, and for students who either aspire to follow the academic path, or learn about the industry they are going into. It certainly was the latter for me, and I fully recognize that privilege and am sincerely grateful for it.

This post is, however, a call for you, dear students, to make a conscious decision about when you want to go out into the world. And that you know why. In my case, I intend to practice next year, audition and hopefully go through to finals for the SAMRO International Voice Competition, as well as embark upon a few educational trips you can follow on my Instagram and Facebook pages @the_forest_weaver. Then, I want to do a Master's/Artist Diploma, and if I have enough funds, Summer schools in the USA and Vienna. A Masters will be the final degree I do - unless, in retirement I publish some sort of opus. Lol.

It is also a resource, as the following list will show you. Please note that not all of the items on this list are limited to the Arts. I hope that these institutions / funding organisations / study abroad programmes will prove useful to you, at whatever stage of your academic / technical-training / journey you are at, and wherever you plan to go:

American Institute for Foreign Study

Arts and Culture Trust

Apollo Music Trust

Chevening

Commonwealth Scholarships

Dootch Fund Bursary

EducationUSA

Education UK

Fulbright

Guildhall

Golden Key

Gradschoolmatch.com